Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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