do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
