i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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