I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My hand turned me down
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
