the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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