So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
