quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
