TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
