you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
