dude i'm inner monologue high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
