I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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