Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
