you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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