Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
