She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
