Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
