Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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