Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
