I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
