It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just pynch a tree in the face
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
