i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
