i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
