Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
