just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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