I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
