She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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