When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
