The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
