I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
