FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
