I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
