he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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