Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
