my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
