Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
