Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
