yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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