All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
