Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
