his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
