You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Operation Purity has been aborted
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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