hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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