ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
