I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
