are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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