and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
