Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
