if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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