mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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