So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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