I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
