Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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