marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
