Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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