I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
