so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
