I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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