Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Green mimosas i think yes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
