I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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