Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so let's talk penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
