hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
