so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
