I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
