FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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