I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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