so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
