you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Alive.
So much puke
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
