He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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