He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize