every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
